The first book in our Sam Travis Adventure Series is now available, and we’ve already begun the second!
Early readers are buzzing:
“This is a fun, entertaining, shocking and thought-provoking read.”
As Lethal Game appears in all online retail outlets and library ordering services over the coming week or so, you’ll find this fun new book on Amazon NOW.
Based on a true story from one of LT’s undercover ops.
Some people are dumb, okay? And Sam Travis knows this better than most. In his neck of the woods in the gorgeous Western Massachusetts mountains called the Berkshires, he might see headlines like, “Hunters should take care to target only legal game, not bald eagles or German shepherds.”
Really, people?
In this new book, this guy Sam tends to tangle with unscrupulous characters as well as civilians who just make dumb mistakes. Some are downright stupid-funny.
But when somebody kills Sam’s long-time partner, an older game warden who was Sam’s mentor and partner, the gloves come off. “There’ll be hell to pay!” he says, and he means it.
Let there be no doubt: through the course of this book, the feces do strike the reciprocal mass… at velocity!
2. The New Relevant Fiction Podcast – Episode 1
You’ll also want to catch the debut episode of my new podcast, “Relevant Fiction: Stories with a Conscience,” to meet the real-life incarnation of Sam Travis, my partner in this outdoor adventure series, Lieutenant Tom Kasprzak (retired).
You’ll learn what being an undercover operative is truly like in this episode, and why illegal harvesting of wildlife is a global enterprise involving some of the most unscrupulous characters on the planet.You’ll also better understand why such a criminal enterprise is not only dangerous, but an unconscionable crime against nature.
Meet “LT,” the real-world version of Sam Travis in Lethal Game.
In this first episode, I’m excited to interview Tom Kasprzak, a.k.a. LT, retired from the Massachusetts Environmental Police Force. His stories will curl your toes until they cramp. And then some. Lethal Game is a novel, but it’s based on a few of Tom’s more cringeworthy true-life experiences. And he made damn sure I portrayed them in authentic clarity. He provides the stories, I provide the storytelling. You won’t want to miss this first episode of the Relevant Fiction podcast.
You will receive a link to the first episode of this new podcast by subscribing (it’s free) at GKJurrens.com, if you haven’t already done so, and you’ll be the very first to grab your free episode!
Coming soon to wherever you get your podcasts (as soon as I recover my voice to finish recording and producing)!
In future episodes, I’ll explore socially relevant issues in some of my other books, as well as those of other authors. The common theme: social relevancy.
Check out the new group HERE. Its genesis sprung from the new podcast above. My intent? This would be a fun forum to engage in further discussion after each podcast, which I hope will be thought-provoking. But it’s already becoming a nice safe place to express any opinion relative to fiction, except for hard-core politics. Serenity is fragile, is it not?
We’d love to see you contribute your own wits to this community, intended for anyone who’s interested in fiction that not only entertains, but presents itself as relevant to our lives outside of fiction. Maybe. You determine that. Fun to discuss.
And, oh, I can’t do this alone, my friends.
That’s it! So, until next time, and wherever…
Let’s roll!
Gene
Smilin’ in “the studio” (inside the motorhome) now cookin’ up audiobooks AND podcasts… wherever we park the rig!
And below… I only snap pictures of bumper stickers I like. So, here ya go:
I love reading bumper stickers on OTHER PEOPLE’S CARS! My favorite here is “Non-judgement day is near!”
You’ll think I’m crazy! Maybe I am. But don’t tell my blushing bride!
ALL of my books are FREE the entire month of July on Smashwords
(eBook editions)!
Keep reading, and I’ll show you how to score your own copies of all eleven books….
In this issue:
New Novel News (of course)
Reminder: Hot New Adventure Coming in Four Weeks
Time for a Memoir?
Travel & New State of Residence?
Audiobooks Next?
Crazy Book Sale (is it a sale when they’re FREE?)
Whenever we visit the home of the world-famous Mayo Clinic, also our home town, we take care of as much of our medical business as possible. At our age, that takes some time and attention.
We’ve been enjoying family and friends while here in Rochester, Minnesota, as we are blessed to do so for a while almost every summer. We do love this part of the country… in the summer!
1. New Novel Progress
Well, what do you expect? I’m an author. I write books. If I’m not producing new books, I’m not bringing home the bacon. Interesting turn of phrase for a vegan, right?
In my last newsletter, I mentioned the second book in my Literati Mystery series, “Secret Swords,” and that I was toying with a different title: “Dancing With Death.” I asked for feedback. Some said, “The new title is much better, but not the series name. The word, ‘Literati’ doesn’t sing to me.”
Hey, you speak, I listen. This series is now “Aubrey Greigh Mysteries.” Unless I receive more feedback to the contrary, here’s what I envision for this new book (coming Fall 2023). Let me know any further thoughts, please. I even re-issued a new edition of Voodoo Vendettawith an updated cover for consistency.
2. Reminder: A Hot New Outdoor Adventure Coming In Four Weeks….
Lethal Game is the first book in our new Sam Travis Adventure series. Get yours in just four weeks!
This first Sam Travis Adventure is available for PREORDER NOW!
That means that you can buy it today at a reduced pre-publication price of $3.99 (USD) and Amazon will deliver its Kindle edition to any or all of your smart devices automatically on August 1st.
I am thrilled at the reaction from early readers/critics of this engaging and sometimes humorous adventure tale based on the real-life law enforcement experiences of my new friend, Lieutenant Tom Kasprzak (retired) from the Massachusetts Environmental Police. Has he got stories!
Tom “LT” Kasprzak, the real-world version of Sam Travis.
New news: LT and I are already working on the second Sam Travis Adventure. We envision the title to be Lethal Trail. I have no draft artwork of the cover to share with you yet, but we’re excited about the book’s premise (look for it before Christmas, with a little luck):
Something is happening in Sam Travis’s backyard, but with no clue as to what that might be. Yet.
Since 1974, thirteen people have disappeared while hiking or camping on the Appalachian National Scenic Trail—called the AT by locals and hikers. Some of these fell prey to foul play. Several hikers have disappeared within the previous year alone, and three of those were last heard from on the ninety miles of the trail that passes through the Berkshire Mountains of Western Massachusetts.
Then, a fourteen-year-old girl is kidnapped, beaten and abused. She turns up on her own, bruised and bloody, after hiking down one of Sam’s mountains to a parking lot near the Massachusetts stretch of the AT.
Sam has a reputation for finding people—alive or dead—and for wilderness tracking. In other words, a recovery expert. He’s called in to consult with the Massachusetts State Police and the FBI. It is critical they find where the girl was held. Amnesia is blocking her memory.
Similar cases in four other states on or near the AT lead authorities to suspect some or all might be connected. But the kidnapped girl who was left for dead is the only victim found alive. She is the key to tracking and apprehending one or more serial rapists, or more likely serial killers who seem to be on a multi-state spree. And they are escalating.
Sam and his team are called in to work with the girl, and to participate in three searches spanning a period of two months and three states. The trick is to distinguish those hikers who disappeared because they succumbed to weather, disorientation, malnutrition, exposure, dehydration, wildlife attacks, OR from victims of foul play. That is challenging if no body is found after someone is reported missing, often weeks or months later.
But then a hiker is discovered in a shallow grave. His belongings are missing, and there is evidence of sharp force trauma—he was stabbed. A homicide is declared. These investigations now take a different turn with a sense of urgency. Travis and his unusual team are called in once more.
End-to-end, the AT reaches 2,193 miles. It takes at least three months to “through hike” from northern Georgia to Maine, though most folks take longer than that. More than three million people hike a portion of the trail each year. Almost a thousand through-hikers walk its entire wilderness length annually.
Changes in elevation are equivalent to Mt. Everest’s sixteen times over. It’s been called the most dangerous and longest hiking trail in the world.
Injuries and fatalities occur, but the intentional human-on-human disappearances? That’s where Sam, his quirky team of trackers, informants, and investigators help solve those crimes and catch the criminals—a juicy, and sometimes comedic recipe for adventure and intrigue.
3. Time for a Memoir?
A friend who is a New York Times best-selling author once told me, “Geno, you’re never gonna make any of the best-seller lists if you keep hopping genres. You write historical crime fiction, fictional autobiographies (fictional memoirs?), murder mysteries, now outdoor adventures, and you dabble in futuristic paranormal romantic mysteries. Plus, some non-fiction…. What the hell?”
I told him, “I don’t care. I write what’s in my heart.” He didn’t say it, but I could feel his thoughts bludgeoning me: “Oh, you’re one of those!” He strictly writes for commercial success, and I’m very happy for him.
So, he tossed me a challenge: “Okay, smart guy, I challenge you to write a really solid book that nobody will buy!” Game on. I wrote a book of poetry for people who hate poetry (The Poetic Detective). And it’s selling! Not a lot. But that’s okay.
Now, why not write a (non-fiction) memoir targeting readers who hate memoirs? “They” can’t stop me! In truth, who cares? Well, I’m hoping you will. How’s this for a working title: “Confessions of a Pathological Believer –In Science, Superstition, and Emotional Addiction.”
Am I crazy? I hope so! Most good authors are. Confessionsshould be an interesting read when I get around to finishing the damn thing. I’m hoping it will be available by mid-2024.
4. Travel & New State of Residence?
We’re hanging out here in Southeast Minnesota for another six weeks or so. Then, we’re off to the Black Hills of South Dakota (we love that area). But this time, we also plan to establish South Dakota as our state of domicile.
Now that we don’t plan to spend much time in Florida anymore (we’ll miss our friends, but not hurricanes!), we need a new official state of residence. What to do?
Of course, it’ll be important to choose the right plate for RV & toad (towed vehicle). Honestly, we don’t care.
This means we’ll officially become SD residents from a legal perspective. Why? Like Florida, no state income tax. Unlike Florida, however, where we’d have to physically reside for six months of every year (no longer our plan), we only have to be in-state once every five years (to renew our drivers’ license)!
We’ll register our RV and cars there (then, we can get new plates by mail each year), and register to vote (they honor absentee ballots, and the mail forwarding service we’ll use (Dakota Post) forwards absentee ballots, unlike our other service in Florida.
Yup, SD is by far THE friendliest state in the union for full-time RVers like us. Gotta think differently lacking a real estate address nowadays.
5. Audiobook Editions?
I’m finally returning to creating audiobook editions of my manuscripts. As a DIY project, this is an aggressive undertaking. So much to learn. But I enjoy that.
Why create audiobook editions? I’ve asked so many folks, “Do you read books?” only to hear “Only ‘Books on Tape'” from some. Of course, they mean audiobooks. That means I’m missing a market. Like the old lottery player’s motto, “You can’t win if you don’t play.”
Being a control freak, and a cheap one at that, I can’t justify paying a professional voice artist four figures to narrate each of my books. Plus, many of the folks who enjoy audiobooks have said they prefer listening to an author narrating their own work.
I promise that producing and performing one’s own audiobooks is not for the faint of heart. At least three reasons:
A good deal of technology (hardware) and technical (software/audio) knowledge must be mastered to avoid rejection by audiobook distribution channels,
Requires an investment in hardware (an ultra-quiet “recording booth,” a quality microphone, an interface between the mike and my computer) and software (a digital audio workstation, a.k.a. DAW),
New skills must be mastered that most might take for granted – that of a voice-over artist.
To the first point, audio computer file requirements and what each contains are exacting. I won’t bore you with the details.
Second, eliminating echoes, outside and ambient room noises require soundproofing a space within which to record (a “booth”). My Behringer phantom-powered pro microphone is crazy sensitive. I need that to record quality sound.
Plus, the DAW I use (recording studio software) must be able to record precise acoustical results and analyze them to ensure I don’t flunk #1 above without spending hundreds of dollars per hour renting studio time. Plus, did I mention I live in a bus?
And third, I am humbled by what it takes to effectively narrate a quality audiobook. I had no idea! Narrators don’t just “read the book aloud” as someone records their voice. They perform the book! Huge difference!
The heart of the matter: a Behringer Pro-1 twin large diaphragm condenser XLR “mike.” I chose to use a foam “pop” shield that slips over the head of the mike (not shown in this image).
Note the sophisticated soundproofing (wink) comprising pillows, bedspreads, etc.
To the left of the mike’s enclosure, note my 8-channel Yamaha mixing “board” that controls the mike’s sound level before it reaches the computer = a MacBook Pro to the right with a solid state 1 TB (big enough) “drive” = no noisy fan).
With the “board” I can also mix in music backing tracks or sound effects channels into the recording on the computer, but most audiobook distributors frown on getting that fancy.
The board also contains an interface that converts analog (mike) signals to digital (computer) signals.
So the mike is connected to the board, and the board is connected to the computer. Simple, but effective. The computer runs the recording software. I’m using a program called GarageBand right now, but am thinking of upgrading to a more professional DAW called Logic Pro (also an Apple product). SMOM (Small Matter of Money).
All this hardware packs into a waterproof Pelican (performance) case when we roll down the big slab.
You audiophiles will get a kick outa this. Elegant, huh?
As a practical matter, the foam pop guard you see fit over the mike’s head seemed as effective as the fancy anechoic chamber that I simply use as a mike stand in this photo.
I found standing as I “perform” gave me a fuller voice and performance range. The DAW enables me to eliminate most ambient noises, and should get me close to the exacting audio standards required by audiobook distributors like Audible, Findaway Voices, etc.
Note the mike itself is mounted in a suspension mount to isolate it from unwanted micro vibrations, and the whole affair sits atop a foam kingsize mattress (further sophisticated anti-vibration, noise-deadening measures).
I’d prefer even more soft surface areas to absorb unwanted noise bouncing, but one does what one must (like set my mike/stand atop Kay’s juicer box!).
To my ear, the results sound quite good. And FAR cheaper than renting professional studio time!
This is a screen shot of my current DAW (Digital Audio Workstation), if this sort of thing appeals to you. It’s called GarageBand and runs on my MacBook Pro.
While it works very well, it may not be up to the job of meeting the precise technical requirements of audio distributors(I can’t easily analyze my recorded tracks to confirm)
Logic Pro is a serious professional upgrade to GarageBand, also an Apple product, and one of the most popular professional DAWs in the industry.
Much more than I need, and not free like GarageBand, but more efficient. Since it uses the same sophisticated audio engine and similar interface, that should minimize my learning curve (gulp!).
I’m still researching before spending $200, but next time you listen to an audiobook, you’ll appreciate more what its production encompassed.
Soooo, if you’re interested, I thought I’d share with you an audio draft of one chapter fromVoodoo Vendetta(chapter 8). I have yet to scrub it for technical requirements, and while I never like the recorded sound of my own voice, I’m told that listeners just have to “not hate it.” We’ll see, right? If you have an opinion after listening to this 5-minute clip, shoot me an email at gjurrens@yahoo.com. Thanks in advance:
Listen to Chapter 8 of Voodoo Vendetta (not in context – sample of sound quality & performance):
6. Crazy Book Sale – They’re ALL FREE IN JULY!
Yup, that ain’t just hype. My entire set of eleven published works (so far) are free the entire month of July–all eBook editions on Smashwords, that is (an Amazon alternative).
Here’s how to score my entire collection at no cost:
Sign into smashwords.com or sign up for a new account (it’s free)
Search for “jurrens” at the top of the window
Click on “buy” for any or all of my books.
Don’t forget to scroll down to see all eleven books
Checkout
Choose payment method
Optional: Subscribe to receive notifications of my new releases.
Proceed to checkout
Easy. All I ask in return is a paragraph or three in reaction to each book you read (even if you don't finish it). Send your thoughts to gjurrens@yahoo.com. Tell me what you enjoyed or hated. Either way, I'll be grateful.
So, until next time…
Let’s roll!
Gene
Smilin’ in “the studio” (inside the motorhome)!
I just had to snap this pic outside the gym this AM. What’s your favorite? I couldn’t pick just one! Did you notice the rusty bumper hitch receiver center bottom? It IS Minnesota, after all !No serious author can deny the truth of it… just try and stop me, though. Weird science.
Dateline: Thursday, July 14, 2022
Location: Rochester, Southeast Minnesota
In this issue:
Three Free Seminars
Book Signing
1. Three FREE Writing & Publishing Seminars
Are you driving yourself crazy trying to get inspired to write the book you know is in you?
Do you worry about tumbling farther down the rabbit hole figuring out all this writing, editing, formatting & publishing stuff?
Do you worry about the countless costly scams aimed at new writers?
I have a safe & straightforward solution for you!
Keep reading, my friend.
You can do this. We are in this together!
125Live! is a gorgeous fitness and social facility adjacent to the Rochester Recreation Center where they hold competitive swim and dive meets, professional hockey games, and I don’t really know what else, but they’re absolutely crushing it.
Kay and I head south and west to Texas, and then to Louisiana beginning in early September before returning home to Florida. Before that, I’m offering three FREE writing and publishing seminars in Rochester, Minnesota. That’s about seventy miles southeast of the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. If you’re in the neighborhood, I’ll be at 125 Elton Hills Drive NW Rochester, MN 55901 in “the Med City” (home of the world-famous Mayo Clinic), specifically in the Oak Room (lower level) at 125Live (see dates/times below).
Currently, I only offer these seminars in-person. I may offer these as an eCourse in the future. I’m just so darn busy writing and teaching, so no promises.
Here’s the run-down:
Seminar objectives: To instill aspiring writers and published authors alike with confidence in your ability to create a page-turning story, and to lead you step-by-step from inspiration and getting started writing (PART ONE) to formatting, publishing and optional marketing (PART TWO) and what free or cheap computer software and other resources simplify an otherwise tricky end-to-end write-to-publish process (PART THREE). Students of any age can choose to become published authors of one or more novels capable of climbing the charts to best-seller status, OR just to create your legacy. Get on the fast track to living the writer’s life!
Which seminar is right for you?Attend any or all of this trio of inspiring and information-packed seminars.
EACH IS DIFFERENT.
If the first one tweaks your melon, c’mon back for the next one. FYI: PART THREE’S softwaredemonstrations build on information covered in PART TWO (see below).
WRITING & PUBLISHING YOUR OWN BOOK LIKE A PRO
PART ONE (90 MINUTES)
August 11, 2022 at 125Live! (Oak Room)
1-2:30PM
Veteran author GK Jurrens teaches and coaches aspiring writers all over the country—from Florida to California. He’ll explore with you the kind of writing you might want to pursue. Then, he’ll offer you a proven writing technique that will carry you from inspiration to publication, and share with you specifically how to achieve your personal writing goals. At the end of this session, all attendees are offered a free eBook packed with practical resource links for later digestion.
WRITING & PUBLISHING YOUR OWN BOOK LIKE A PRO
PART TWO (90 MINUTES)
August 18, 2022 at 125Live! (Oak Room)
1-2:30PM
Gene focuses on his proven streamlined publishingprocess. Priorities include simplicity and cost-effectiveness. You’ve written a book. Or soon will. Congratulations! Now what? Gene will walk you through the steps to ensure your manuscript is publication-ready. This seminar is a priceless session packed with valuable information for both aspiring and published authors, even if you haven’t written your first book yet, or you’ve written your tenth. Avoid the literary land mines!
WRITING & PUBLISHING YOUR OWN BOOK LIKE A PRO
PART THREE (90 MINUTES)
August 25, 2022 at 125Live! (Oak Room)
1-2:30PM
Gene polishes off your writing and independent publication journey with practical demonstrations using his latest novel as a real-world case study. As always, his focus remains on simplicity and cost-effectiveness as he demonstrates his progression from idea to worldwide publication, and how to open the door for your book into every major online storefront worldwide including eBook, paperback and hardcover editions.
Let’s do this!
2. Book Signing
Yours truly at a recent bookstore signing event in Fairfield, Iowa (Revelations!)
Barring catastrophes, I’d also invite you to our RV park on Saturday, August 27th from 1 to 3 PM. I’ll sign any or all of my books for free; however, there will be a charge for the books themselves (wink).
I accept cash (preferred) and all major credit cards. No checks, please. Books are $10 to $20 each, including a personalized autograph, of course.
Otherwise, you can find all my books at all major digital storefronts worldwide. But where’s the fun in that if we can talk trash face-2-face?
Note: I may have one additional book available in late August, unless I get lazy between now and then.
Plug this address into your GPS: 1155 Lake Shady Avenue S. Oronoco, MN 55960, just 4 miles north of Rochester, exit 64 off Highway 52 at Tilly’s American Traveler’s RV Resort. I hope to see you at the campground’s clubhouse. Look for the little brick building standing all by itself in the park.
Otherwise, shoot best wishes our way!
So until… and wherever (from SE Minnesota, for now)…
Gene (and Kay)
I’ve started on my Literati Mystery series. In book one, the victim(s) are poets. So, cleverly, the first book’s working title (subject to change) is“Rhyme to Kill – A Literati Mystery.”Yes, there are no boundaries to my creativity (blechhh!). This first book in the series should be available March 2023. I’m attaching a VERY EARLY ROUGH DRAFT of its cover below (DEFINITELY subject to change!). As always, I treasure constructive criticism.
Dateline: Thursday, June 30, 2022
Location: Rochester, Minnesota, USA, Earth, Milky Way,Sector A1X44.22
In this issue:
New GK Jurrens Novel Available
Another Book On the Way
2022 Coastal Writer’s Conference Update
Life on the Hard
While storms rage all around us, tranquility prevails within our humble bus, as did COVID for a time. All better now.
As we spend some time with family and friends in our hometown of Rochester, Minnesota, we reflect that while traveling and living in different places for a time, staying in one place for a while also has its perks. And, as it turns out, has saved us from potential catastrophe. More to come on that.
Despite a few small health challenges (we self-quarantined after both getting our “COVID genetic update,” which was quite mild thanks to getting all our shots), we remain blessed and grateful to be enjoying a lifestyle of which most can only dream.
This small park features only 33 sites. Since we were the first here, we chose to be next to the “clubhouse.” Nice restrooms, decent laundry facilities, great WiFi for streaming, even 5G for higher speeds. Not much else here, but that’s okay, other than it bugs Kay it’s called a “resort.”
1. New Novel Now Available
Imagine you’re a cop trying to catch a serial killer without traffic cameras, facial recognition, fingerprints, DNA or other esoteric forensic science tools. Oh, and no online police or federal databases—because there is no “online” in 1934. No state police, the FBI is still in its infancy, and you’re just one of three cops in a small town with no police department.
You’re the sheriff responsible for a large county, and you have just two deputies.
Now here’s the rub. People start dying mysteriously the day a rag-bag gypsy circus shows up at the county fairgrounds down the street in your town of Rock Rapids, Iowa. In your county—Lyon County.
What do you do?
That’s what Sheriff Billy Rhett Kershaw faces starting on page one as my new murder mystery novel,“Murder in Purgatory,”kicks off.
Early readers tell me “Purgatory” is my best book yet. This is my seventh published novel, and the second in my Lyon County series. “Black Blizzard” preceded it.
One reader said, “Purgatory’s a helluva yarn, even better than ‘Black Blizzard,‘ and that’s saying something.”
These are the kind of reviews an author lives for! I certainly don’t write for the money.
You can check out a synopsis of all my books here.
2. Another Book On the Way
Are you ready for something completely different? Hang onto your droopin’ skivvies, sailor!
Have you noticed I tend to favor “different?” How about an operations manual for how to read and enjoy poetry? Didn’t see that coming, I bet!
“The Poetic Detective” began as a lark. But believe it or not, I discovered it fills a unique literary niche.
Most folks can’t be bothered with “that poetry crap.” Why? I’m betting it’s mostly because they don’t understand poetry.
This tight little book fixes that in a way that’s fun, with no BS. Just a lean ‘n mean description of the language of poetry, a few case studies to make it clear what each term looks like in practice, and then I include a small collection of my own poetry with an essay for each so the reader (you?) knows what the heck I was thinking when I wrote each piece (some date back forty years).
Read this short book when it comes out in August, and you, too, could get promoted to poetic detective!
I guarantee you’ll never look at any poem the same way—ever again.
Guaranteed.
I’m planning publication for mid-August. Watch this space.
3. Coastal Writer’s Conference
Sad news. Inflation (and a sizable assessment on our Florida condo) compels us not to travel west this Summer. As a result, I’ll either be dialing into the writing conference I am co-sponsoring this Fall, or my dear friend, Judy Howard, will carry on the good fight without yours truly. Time and technology will tell.
Had we not cancelled our trip west this Summer, starting two weeks ago, we’d be paying big bucks to stay near Yellowstone for a month, and we would have been turned away. Was it providence that we cancelled—and were refunded most of $3,000 for eighteen months worth of advance campground reservations? Or fate? Or just good luck? We don’t need to care.
It is with grace and humility that we must accept adversity and diversity, lest we lose our humanity. That’s what I’m telling myself right now, anyway. And I’m believing it.
4. Life on the Hard
We sold the good ship “Sojourn” in 2010 after 13 years of sailing over incredible horizons.
The expression “on the hard” is left over from our boating days.
Not surprisingly, lakes and rivers get very hard in the winter in Minnesota, which is where we once kept our boats. But that’s not the origin of that expression in this context.
I can’t speak to folks even crazier than us who move their fish houses out onto the ice, with their bed and pot belly stove next to a hole in the floor (the ice) where they’ll wet their lines and hooks at will (is that hole in the ice where they pee, too?). I don’t call that living on the hard. To my way of thinking, that’s just a lack of sanity, but who am I to judge? My home has eight wheels, and we’ve lived in 42 states over the last seven years!
In boating parlance, each Fall, we’d pull our live-aboard boat out of the water before everything froze. That can seriously damage even the most stout vessel. Once out of the water, our twenty-ton boat would settle onto its cradle (so it wouldn’t tip over) in the marina’s asphalt parking lot.
Now there was a variety of reasons I might spend more than a few nights on the boat after it was “on the hard.” It would take me days to winterize “Sojourn” from stem to stern. I’d also thoroughly clean her inside and out before putting her to bed for the winter. Often, after a hard day of working on her, I’d be too exhausted to make the forty-five-minute drive home. And sometimes, it was just too darn hard to say goodbye without spending some quality time with her at the end of the short boating season.
That was “life on the hard.” And especially as I aged, it always was a relative hardship, often without power (electricity), limited or no water (tanks were empty), and getting in and out of the boat on the hard always involved a twelve-foot ladder. Since pumping out the holding tanks was no longer possible, when I had to pee, especially in the middle of the night, it was a big deal—climbing down and up the ladder in the dark, hiking to the yacht club to use the facilities…). Well, you get the idea. In that context, hard had two meanings.
Now, let’s talk about “life on the hard” with the bus, which couldn’t be more different. Now, the best RV sites (parking spots) feature level concrete. That’s where we are now. Our leveling jacks don’t sink into muck (like they did at the last spot), requiring constant re-leveling. The motorhome’s exterior stays cleaner than, say, on a gravel or grass site where every time it rains, gravel dust or mud splashes up onto the coach’s body. Not on concrete, at least not as much. I get all warm and fuzzy knowing there is a nice clean level slab of hard concrete about four feet beneath my bony butt right now.
My office-slash-living room-slash-cockpit, all within easy reach of the coffee pot, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. Efficient and comfortable, baby!
Hardships associated with life on the hard in an RV versus the boat? Not so much. Full hook-ups (electric, sewer & water) allow us the freedom not to think about that stuff too much. When we stay in one place for a good long while, like now, we leave our gray (sink & shower) holding tank valve open so we don’t have to worry about filling up that tank with waste water. Everything else stays hooked up, so it’s much like the convenience of living in stix ‘n brix (like the condo).
We still worry about weather, especially high winds. But no ladders, no hikes in the middle of the night, and no freezing our tukkuses off when the temps drop (or cooking us when they climb). Yup, life on the hard in an RV, especially in a rig like ours, isn’t a “hardship,” or “camping,” or even “glamping” (glamor camping). It’s just… life. Twenty years ago, well, it was different for us back then. We’d tent-camp while touring on the motorcycles and sleeping on the “hard” ground. Now, we enjoy our creature comforts (upon advice of my orthopedic surgeon. Right, Doctor Bob?).
Besides, one of the primary reasons we’re here is to visit family.
Toys!Kids!Food!A family celebration at our son Adam’s campground where he keeps a trailer for the summer.
Now, Kay and I enjoy our protein smoothies in the morning after we meditate together, head to the gym for an hour or two, and return home for a vegetarian lunch. Yesterday, we enjoyed pulled pork. “Wait,” you might ask, “didn’t you say you guys are vegetarians?” Well, let me say this about that…
Mmmmm… smoked pulled pork fried up with onions and mushrooms! Except this isn’t pork, even though you’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference. This is “pulled jackfruit” dressed up and seasoned to look and taste like SMOKED pork. Worth four generous servings! Yes, it’s processed food, but this ain’t no religion, and variety keeps us motivated.
If you’re a vegetarian, and you miss pork, or can’t eat pork for health reasons, this is the best we’ve found so far.
Quite a lot of sodium. Other than that, not too bad.
Ingredients don’t look terrible.
On date day (we prefer this over going out at night), we might have lunch out, possibly a movie, but only in theaters that feature recliners!
Other days, we clean, maintain the bus, read, write, watch TV… oh, and Kay insists on pushing “puppy cookies” into the mouth of every dog in the RV park. That keeps her busy while I write or research.
And there is always the possibility of a hike, a bicycle ride, maybe even an afternoon nap.
Together, we attend AA meetings on Sundays and Tuesdays. Kay meets with her women’s group on Thursday mornings, I meet with my men’s group on Thursday nights.
I need to start thinking about selling some of my books locally, too. It’s on my list! We’re just having so much fun playing! For example, we’re members of a local facility called 125Live. They have an amazing state-of-the-art workout facility. They also offer classes, have two amazing pools (one for exercise, one for laps), a robust calendar of social events, concerts, library, free coffee, a pantry of free groceries available to anyone (contributed by local supermarkets), music jams, a wood shop, volunteer opportunities, anything and everything for “active adults.” That’s a euphemism for ‘old folks.’
“Our Club” is a gorgeous facility adjacent to the Rochester Recreation Center where they hold competitive swim and dive meets, professional hockey games, and I don’t really know what else, but they’re absolutely crushing it.
Though their primary charter is offering activities for seniors, we see young folks there too. I’m looking forward to my July 9th “Pottery Play Date.” Just show up and everything is provided. Gonna take my turn at a wheel (I know Jeff H, old hat to you, my friend).
How cool is this place for just $17/month for each of us? Now if it were called, “The Senior Citizen’s Center,” that might have slowed me down some. But quite frankly, I’m of the age where such concerns are now delegated to younger folks.
Yup, it’s nice to stay in one place for a while. I even splurged for an “unlimited wash club” for the Jeep, a month at a time, for 35 bucks. Goin’ crazy over here “livin’ on the hard!”
So until… and wherever (but from SE Minnesota, for now)…
Gene (and Kay)
I’m thinking my next several novels will be a series of mysteries with a curmudgeonly author reluctantly working alongside a sassy and ambitious homicide detective with a spectacular case closure rate. What say you?
